tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post1659392851504599030..comments2024-02-05T15:01:44.563-05:00Comments on Cleveland Poetics: a place for cleveland's writers and readers: Blind Review Fridaymichael salingerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14717310933948991992noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-72542370997768735552009-10-29T19:01:39.322-04:002009-10-29T19:01:39.322-04:00Hm, too subtle? (Actually, I've heard that bef...Hm, too subtle? (Actually, I've heard that before.) Your suggestion works. Thanks!Robnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-7529911975937480432009-10-29T10:58:53.817-04:002009-10-29T10:58:53.817-04:00OK, I'll have to admit I missed that (maybe I ...OK, I'll have to admit I missed that (maybe I should say "that one flew over my head..."). After 48 lines that don't mention Cormorants anywhere, it's hard to connect the un-referenced pronoun "they" to cormorants.<br /><br />I think you can make that explicit:<br /> <i>a vee of vees,<br /> cormorants<br /> flying silently,</i>Geoffrey A. Landishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04518496779546782434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-29201722094532946862009-10-28T20:13:12.636-04:002009-10-28T20:13:12.636-04:00"These" are the Cormorants. For several ..."These" are the Cormorants. For several seasons I wanted to write about the quiet birds that fly in formation. The geese always announce themselves, the Cormorants never say a thing.Robnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-87202507005641293312009-10-28T17:54:29.011-04:002009-10-28T17:54:29.011-04:00I like it, too. I'm intrigued by the title, wh...I like it, too. I'm intrigued by the title, which has a double meaning that adds a layer.<br /><br />Suggestions that I have are pretty nit-picky. Not sure you need "the" before "cranky geese." <br /><br />Grammatically, the indefinite "These" would really refer back to "cranky geese," which I doubt is your intention. I had to read that last sentence several times, and I'm still not sure whether "These" is the vector or Magnitude and Direction. I'm leaning toward Magnitude and Direction because they are set off by commas.<br /><br />Nice poem!Shelley Cherninhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10132631136708521168noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-86530743798671112262009-10-28T12:49:17.584-04:002009-10-28T12:49:17.584-04:00Thanks. As a novelist, there's never a lot of ...Thanks. As a novelist, there's never a lot of feedback and silence makes crazy.Robnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-13865103614243738562009-10-28T11:41:11.152-04:002009-10-28T11:41:11.152-04:00Sometimes when there's not much commentary, it...Sometimes when there's not much commentary, it's not that a poem "doesn't arouse much interest," but just that people can't think of anything useful to say... <br />(Unfortunately, it's often easier to think of something to say about a bad poem than about a good one!)Geoffrey A. Landishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04518496779546782434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-696224981894407042009-10-28T10:39:32.067-04:002009-10-28T10:39:32.067-04:00Since I wrote this seven weeks ago, I have made so...Since I wrote this seven weeks ago, I have made some revisions. "Waxen" has become "wax" which sound less archaic to me. In the last line "sky" has become "world". I find that much of my poetry begins in concrete reality and moves toward abstraction. By using "world" I think there's more of a parallel with the Crayola and graph paper images where the figures are trying to reach another dimension. <br /><br />The poem hasn't aroused much interest, but thanks for your kind words.Robhttp://smithwrite.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-65741876319995950832009-10-25T19:56:26.777-04:002009-10-25T19:56:26.777-04:00I agree with LadyI agree with LadyJohn Burroughshttp://www.crisischronicles.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-16486337682879162642009-10-25T10:31:28.141-04:002009-10-25T10:31:28.141-04:00Wow--I really like this poem as it is. It's a ...Wow--I really like this poem as it is. It's a good 'un.ladyhttp://walkingthinice.comnoreply@blogger.com