tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post3160352761027916018..comments2024-02-05T15:01:44.563-05:00Comments on Cleveland Poetics: a place for cleveland's writers and readers: Blind Review Fridaymichael salingerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14717310933948991992noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-43760699372452381662008-12-19T09:36:00.000-05:002008-12-19T09:36:00.000-05:00Then again, I'm second-guessing my comment, like I...Then again, I'm second-guessing my comment, like I often second guess my own poetry and most everyone else's... ha! This is the wonderful world of poetry - and it's no wonder French poet Paul Valéry said "A poem is never finished; it is only abandoned.:Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-74193326490342667852008-12-19T09:29:00.000-05:002008-12-19T09:29:00.000-05:00T.M. said what I wanted to say better than I would...T.M. said what I wanted to say better than I would have said it. If the author does decide to rewrite this piece, I look forward to reading the revision. I like a lot of this poem - I'd just like to see the poet let go a bit. Sometimes poems need the discipline of rules, and other times they need to cast the rules aside and be free. I believe this poem fits into the latter category.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-67138613351018281582008-12-15T16:07:00.000-05:002008-12-15T16:07:00.000-05:00I agree that parts of this are sacrificed to the f...I agree that parts of this are sacrificed to the form.<BR/><BR/>In several of the lines, the rhythm just doesn't fit, which distracts the reader's attention from what is being said.<BR/><BR/>But I do like this piece and the imagery. Maybe rewrite the poem without regard for the structural rules and allow the images to fully express themselves?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-87144894259976194622008-12-14T12:56:00.000-05:002008-12-14T12:56:00.000-05:00good effort!good effort!Mohit Parikhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11651510191396899964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-59120211228295071362008-12-13T10:35:00.000-05:002008-12-13T10:35:00.000-05:00i know who this is...have no problems with 'lay th...i know who this is...<BR/><BR/>have no problems with 'lay thin'<BR/><BR/>but, how is the tree pain 'exotic'. Is it a forced twisting of adjectives...or may be the poet can illuminate here (the hard to get pun is slightly intended ...)?<BR/><BR/>the use of the word gilded twice in stanza 2 and 3 is a mistake...<BR/><BR/>whose life is ending... in the first stanza it is the old man's...in the later ones it is the old lady... if they are in it together, the romanticism of the togetherness was lost as the poet himself goes into a trap of explaining the storm more than the relation (or the situation)<BR/><BR/>I love the last three stanzas... really well written...<BR/><BR/>The ending leaves one puzzled in the first reading, which I guess was intentional from the poet!!<BR/><BR/>kudos!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-65095808090227257022008-12-13T05:53:00.000-05:002008-12-13T05:53:00.000-05:00i think one can lay thinlyrather than heavy on the...i think one can lay thinly<BR/>rather than heavy on the pillow<BR/>or thickly atop the blanket<BR/>to lay thinly one could be wan <BR/>and drifting in thots ailing flighty in the head awake or listless--as in barley there or in and out out if. i like lay thinly.<BR/><BR/>but i do not like the insinuated allegory angle this poem takes..<BR/>it is missing wit angle or insight .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5641117771707843067.post-5268630764069504472008-12-12T12:01:00.000-05:002008-12-12T12:01:00.000-05:00It's got some good lines, but still needs some wor...It's got some good lines, but still needs some work. In some places clarity is sacrificed to meter, which hurts the poem.<BR/><BR/>In the opening stanza--<BR/>Is sin actually dark? How dark, exactly, is sin? Does sin have an actual color, or does just "dark" completely describe it?<BR/><BR/>How can you "lay thin"? (I think that the adjective thin was intended to apply to the man, not to the verb "lay," which is an action that can't really be done thinly.)Geoffrey A. Landishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04518496779546782434noreply@blogger.com