"John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met."
Check out the 56 best/worst similes evah.
These were identified "as having been written by high schoolers", although in fact they actually originate from the Washington Post's Style International Analogy contest. Still, how can you argue with this:
"It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall."
"The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas."