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Friday, July 9, 2010

Blind Review Friday


The author shall remain anonymous (unless they chose to divulge themselves in the comments.)

Those commenting are also welcome to remain anonymous if they wish.

Incendiary comments will be removed.

If you would like your piece thrown to the wolves send it to salinger@ameritech.net with "Workshop the hell out of this poem" as the subject line.

This week's offering is from a Clevelandpoetics the Blog contributor.


Lazarus
I planned to grow old and gracefully so.

Killed you off instead, which I’ll never get over.

There is blood on my teeth, in my mouth.

You can call it a choice but it wasn’t.

Call it my idea but it wasn’t.

When there’s a gun to your head

You’ll pretty much say anything.

At least, I did.

There is nothing I do not remember.

Discipline is the art of paying attention

To the present and I am

So very undisciplined.

I had other maps but I lost them.

We loved the borders and crossed them.

I am serving your sentence and mine.

Low tide, January sky.

Outside the pickup truck, the trees are bare.

It’s time to be getting back.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I like the punctuation that you used. The frequent use of periods makes reading the poem sound as though your breath is catching. As though the intensity of your thinking about your actions is making it tough for you to speak. Definitely fits the mood of the poem.

Anonymous said...

One of the more interesting things I've read in a while.

A little saliency or connective tissue, to point the reader a little more one way or another may make it a stronger piece. It feels like a glimpse or a shadow out of the corner of your eye and you want to bring it into focus.

Cited...

The poet doesn't invent. He listens. ~Jean Cocteau