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Reading Li Po
In morning fog I finger stones like words,
place them in my pocket to begin my own poem.
Silver trees press inward toward my chair.
The sky drains to surround me.
The stones remind me of Li Po’s mountains.
I sit with him, waiting to vanish.
5 comments:
i love the feeling. i can really relate to the setting of these fine words. i am not sure, however, whether the title is to be taken literally or figuratively. in fact, the title detracts.
otherwise, what a fine poem! the author "put me there'.
I love this. Don't change a thing!
this is a beautiful little piece. it takes real skill to convey a complete moment in only a few lines.
Very nice, very evocative. I like the fog at the beginning and the vanishing at the end.
I have to wonder about that chair, though. Why do you need "toward my chair"? It makes the poem too modern, where I'd like it to be timeless.
"The stones remind me of Li Po's mountains" -- wonderful line, perfect preparation for that last killer line.
But "The sky drains to surround me" -- hm. Not up to the atmosphere of the rest of the poem. Not sure what to do with it.
Very fine work, altogether.
From the author:
Thank you all for your comments. I agree with Mary about the chair. Just having the trees press inward toward me is enough. I'll play with the line about the sky, too. Something belongs there. Maybe just not that. Thanks again.
Tom Baird
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