************

Friday, September 26, 2008

Blind Review Friday

Blind Review Friday.

The author shall remain anonymous (unless they chose to divulge themselves in the comments.)

Those commenting are also welcome to remain anonymous if they wish.

Incendiary comments will be removed.

If you would like your piece thrown to the wolves send it to salinger@ameritech.net with "Workshop the hell out of this poem" as the subject line.


Our pile is currently empty - so please send in a piece you'd like to see featured.


Girl on a Road
Inspired by the song from Ferron

It’s hard to start the conversation
when you are trying to win it.
No flowers to pick when lies are little.
I never believed you anyway.

With my suitcase at my feet, I’ve decided
which fork to eat with and what to put on it.
I walk in the grass in-between.

I always believed lies,
waited for them to blossom
after watering them with wishes.
Hopes dead in my fists.

My blue eyes shine marble tears
One day you will follow me to Rome
and we will finish the walk together.




3 comments:

Anonymous said...

i'm not familiar with the song, so i'll have to take the poem at face value.

"With my suitcase at my feet, I’ve decided
which fork to eat with and what to put on it."

I thought these lines were great! and i really liked the way each little sentence sort of stabs the point it's trying to make.

i did think these lines:

I always believed lies,
waited for them to blossom
after watering them with wishes.

...might be a extending their metaphor a bit much. Didn't feel as immediate as the rest of the poem.

but overall, very nice.

Jesus Crisis said...

Interesting... I was going to say one of my favorite parts was

"I always believed lies,
waited for them to blossom
after watering them with wishes."

It clarifies the poem for me and makes the rest of it more meaningful. The lines are a bit obvious, perhaps; but I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

I did wonder, "Why 'Rome'?" Perhaps if I knew "the song from Ferron," that would be obvious as well.

Jesus Crisis said...

I like the poem, by the way.

Cited...

The poet doesn't invent. He listens. ~Jean Cocteau