Friday, October 31, 2008

Blind Review Friday

Blind Review Friday.

The author shall remain anonymous (unless they chose to divulge themselves in the comments.)

Those commenting are also welcome to remain anonymous if they wish.

Incendiary comments will be removed.

If you would like your piece thrown to the wolves send it to with "Workshop the hell out of this poem" as the subject line.

This week's entry is from a local poet:


his her
consciousness flickers
the tongue of a serpent
sneaker speaking
good and evil
tasty ready-licious
wishes for
life beyond
the hard sell walls
prison bed springs
foot falls
bat wings cat calls
two of every creature
arking through
the flood limbs of time

she he is
our eternal after
birth fenced in
by this man sod
woman God
who admits
no fault
claims to knead
know defense
around his her
garden of eaten
sweet and
rotten fruit

and the hard burned
heart earned
lesson here is this

with her his
his her snakish
conscience also
flickers as this
two faced fork
tongued serpent God
woman man bitch beast
for a self mayed
dis-made myth
crucifies her him

to in tree daze
writhe again


Dianne Borsenik said...

Wow! I read this one through a couple of times silently, and once aloud, to really appreciate all the intricate wordplay and double meanings... I especially love the phrases

garden of eaten
sweet and
rotten fruit


and the hard burned
heart earned
lesson here is this


for a self mayed
dis-made myth

for the pure pleasure of word-wallowing. I also really like the way the Garden of Eden myth is wedded to the Crucifixion, for the twisted and twisty ending. And of course, the title and concept make a clever marriage, also....

Tanuj Solanki said...

I could not understand most of it!

I mean the overall meaning is unclear. Te imagery and the duality is impressive nevertheless!

Anonymous said...

Interesting comments...

Ironically, Tanuj has expressed perfectly one of the poem's "overall meanings" when he says "The overall meaning is unclear." That is part of what the poem is expressing - that the "overall meaning" (or being) of anything is never as clear as we want or imagine it to be. The yin contains an element of the yang, and vice versa. In the beginning of the Bible, God was elohim, a plural title that could include male, female and genderless. Later men, in patriarchal societies tried to "clarify" God, defining "him" as a Father (those with matriarchal leanings did something similar, "clarifying" God as "Her," rather than "Him." But nothing in reality is never 100% black and white, male or female or good or bad - if anything, everything is a bit of both. We might wish to clarify/define concepts or things by calling them one of the other, but in so doing we muddy the waters of their undefinable being.

So one of the poems overall meanings, to me at least, is that you cannot with total accuracy categorize the overall meaning of anything, particularly of God or our history and/or myths.

Hope I haven't further muddied the waters with my comment... haha!

John B. Burroughs said...

I mean nothining in reality is EVER 100% black and white.... I suppose I should have had my morning coffee before leaving a comment. ;)


The poet doesn't invent. He listens. ~Jean Cocteau